I’ve been dating my boyfriend (my first boyfriend) for only about a month now.
I had always been hesitent with relationships, partly because I don’t like them, and because I struggle with depression and I have allways been afraid my depression would destroy my relationship.
Yesterday I had plans to meet my boyfriend after work to go out for frozen yogurt, then back to his place for a movie. All day at work I felt very depressed, mentally and physically exhausted. I considered calling off work, but didn’t want to disappoint my boss, I considered calling off my plans with my boyfriend but I didn’t want to disappoint him, and i though spending time with him would help.
So i met him, it was very hard for me to get through the date at frozen yogurt, i was very quiet and despondent. Afterwords our friend wanted us to swing by his new place (down the street from my boyfriends) so we headed over there, our friend was the first to notice something was wrong with me, he mentioned i looked “disgustingly sad” and asked what’s wrong a few times, the three of us then headed over to my boyfriends house the both continued to ask me what was wrong I kept replying everything fine. Because honestly everything was fine there should have been no reason for me to be upset but I just was. After our friend left when my boyfriend tried to kiss my hand i kept pulling away. When he kissed me it was brief, i even told him to get off of me because i felt uncomfortable. I didn’t realize i was acting like this until thinking back about it today. when I told him I needed to go home he hugged me and told me he wouldn’t let go until I told him what was wrong, I told him I coulnt because nothing was wrong.
He texted me when I got home, and asked if our problem was us becoming to physical, I replied that it had nothing to do with him and that he was great.
When he didn’t text me at all the morning like he usually does I texted him and apologized about last night and told him i really liked him…he didn’t respond. I texted him a few hours later and asked if we were ok…he didn’t respond. I texted him a little later and asked him to please talk to me, he respond later with “im sorry i’ve just been doing a lot of thinking I don’t really know what to say.” I wasn’t sure how to handle that. i asked him if we could talk tonight he said maybe. The he texted me later and said sorry I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve been going back and forth all day.
If he doesn’t break up with me tonight I think I might possible break up with him, He really is a wonderfull guy that I don’t want to lose, but mabey I need to work on helping myself and working on my depression, and my sleeping problem(I sleep 12-14 hours a night) mabey I can’t handle a relastionship right now
. and mabey if he can’t handle my depression mabey he’s not good for me. I don’t want to burnden him with my problems.